Wasteware 05
05: You Can’t Make Tactical Decisions About People You Care For
Amaya woke from her dream drenched in sweat. Phantom pain lingered where the creature had closed its claws around her throat as it always did when the reptilians infiltrated her dreams. Like each time before when she woke she forced herself to examine her body to make sure she had not been burned, cut, or beaten in the real world.
She stripped off her sweaty tank top and shorts to wash the dream away in the shower. Hot water pulled the stink of the nightmare off of her and took it down the drain. She lingered there longer than normal. Each steamy breath she took was purifying her body.
Last night's dream had been more vicious than most. Seeing Preston’s eyes begging for relief in the last moments of his life brought her to tears in the shower. She knew that image was not real, but the look those eyes had given her had been.
No amount of solitude would completely shake the dream from the forefront of her consciousness. It would make itself known for the rest of the day, like a pebble in your boot you didn’t have time to stop and remove. She just had to deal with it and press on through the day.
She went to the mess hall and scanned the room hoping to see Jace, but his face wasn’t the one present that morning. After getting a breakfast of oatmeal and coffee, she sat down with the one that was. A twinge of hurt squeezed her heart when his hazel eyes landed on hers, only to be soothed by his perfect teethed smile.
“Morning, Amaya.”
I greeted him and took a seat at the table with Preston, digging into the cinnamon-flavored oats.
“What did your little science geek boyfriend tell you about what they found yesterday?”
She answered him with a scowl. “He’s not my boyfriend for starters, El. Second, he’s an infectious disease specialist, so until they find something infectious out there, he’s not going to be able to tell me anything.”
Taking a swig of her coffee she softened her face. He was giving her a bad time, she could dish it right back. “If you want info so bad, you could go do your own recon. There are some cute nurses over at medical I’m sure would love to talk to you.”
“Sleeping with the enemy is what that is.”
“The scientists are not the enemy. They are people, just like you or me, who have a job to do.”
“You rationalize it any way you want, Amaya,” his voice rose slightly.
“And you keep being a jerk, Elliot. I don’t know what your problem is, but this game is really getting old.” She had known Preston for a very long time. Their relationship had been defined with many different titles over the years, but through everything he had always been her best friend. This was a side of him she was not accustomed to. Was this jealousy coating his words?
Instead of his voice getting louder, he got quieter, and closer to her. “My problem is you’re all gooey-eyed over this white coat, and it’s going to bite you in the ass. You can’t make tactical decisions about people you care for.”
That last line pulled at the same twinge in her heart from earlier in the morning. She knew it was not appropriate to reach out to him. She knew in the middle of this conversation it would send mixed signals, but it didn’t matter. She needed to touch him, to feel his skin next to hers. She had to remind herself as much as him that he was not to blame for the canyon that had formed between them. She took his hand in hers and forced herself to meet his eyes. “El, this is a completely different situation. We aren’t at war here.”
He took his hand from hers. A slow lingering withdrawal, but a withdrawal just the same. He reached his hand up to her neck and ran his fingers along the scar that ran just under her jaw. “Do we know that for sure?”
It was a movement that would mean nothing to anyone else in the Block. For Preston and Amaya, it said so many things. He would never see past those scars, never come to terms that he wasn’t at fault. It didn’t matter how many times she told him she didn’t blame him, he would always blame himself.
With his fingers on her neck, they looked at each other with remorse. Both of them relived moments from that last mission in Afghanistan. Two years of lust and love and living on the razor’s edge of life exploded in an ambush by enemy forces. Outnumbered and outgunned, only Preston and Amaya survived the initial firefight and were forced to flee into the hills trying to coordinate an extraction. Rather than being rescued by comrades, that third night saw the two of them captured by insurgents.
At some point during weeks of torture, Preston let something slip. Some little tidbit that he might care about her more than his own well-being, and that was all the captors needed. He didn’t last very long after that. The knife had already cut into Amaya’s neck, the threat implicit that if Preston did not give up the information they needed the next cut would be deeper and wider. The next cut she would not survive.
He gave up the security of the base and everyone they loved just to save her. He did this despite knowing that Amaya had not, and would never, do the same for him. She woke up in a recovery ward from surgery to repair her busted face with Preston by her side. He told her that he was leaving their unit. Maybe it was because of the drugs, or the heartbreak she was feeling, but she never asked him why.
Six months later the Army determined she would not be going back into a combat role. For anyone else, it would have meant a medical discharge. Her father being who he was changed the outcome for her. Amaya was shipped to Carbon Block to work security. By some sick twist of fate, Preston had also been relegated there. Without any drugs in her system, she had the wherewithal to confront him on why he left.
He told her that he wasn’t able to make tactical decisions about someone he cared about so deeply.
Hearing him repeat those words this morning was like ripping that wound open anew. For both of them. The pain in his eyes was clear as his hand lingered on her scar.
“El,” she pleaded with him.
“I’m just trying to look out for you, Amaya.”
I sighed. “I know. You always have. But we’re not kids in a war zone anymore. Fuck, El, I’m 29 years old. I pretty sure…”
Preston’s eyes looked towards the door. The pain was immediately gone, replaced by a flash of anger. She knew before she even turned around that Jace was walking in. She turned anyway, seeing the scientist enter the mess followed shortly behind by Commander Reeves. Amaya’s father went towards the meal line, as Jace made a beeline towards their table.
She had just enough time to ask Preston to be nice before Jace walked up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. With one last pleading glance towards Preston, she turned as Jace knelt down to her level.
“Hey, I know your dad is going to be heading over here, so I’ll make this quick. I was thinking about some things last night. About things I said, and you said, and more so what we didn’t say. All that thinking made me wonder if instead of just hanging out tonight, you would like to have a date? Nothing fancy obviously. I have some saved-up rations, and well, would you like to come to my room for dinner?” Jace was clearly flustered. It might have been endearing if it wasn’t happening in front of Preston.
Amaya tried to sound nonchalant, couching her words as Preston listened in. “Sure, we could do that.”
“Great, how about we meet at 18:00 at my place?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Good.” He stood and kissed her on the cheek, practically skipping off with excitement.
She could feel Preston’s eyes burning into her. She turned around and tried to give him a sympathetic smile.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” he told her.
Amaya rolled her eyes at him and slid her empty oatmeal bowl across the table in his direction. She should have felt happy and excited about her dinner plans. Part of her did. A bigger part was just sad. Sad and longing to be 21 and back in the desert with Preston.
Commander Reeves and Gibbs joined them. Any hope that the conversation was going to change to better subjects was squashed immediately when her father asked what Jace had wanted.
“He asked me to dinner.”
“You two always have dinner,” Gibbs chimed in.
“We are having a private dinner in his room.” Amaya explained dryly.
Preston wore a fake smile in front of the other soldiers, “They are having a date.”
Her father smiled at her as they all awaited his response to the news. “Good, I was wondering what was taking these guys so long to take an interest in you. I hope it didn’t have anything to do with me.”
The other three at the table’s jaws went agape at the proclamation, all for different reasons to be sure.
Much to Amaya’s dismay that would not be the end of discussing Jace with the sec squad that day. He came up again during their morning briefing. Ken Hollis, the chief of the science staff had provided Commander Reeves with a daily status report. It was typically vague, outlining what the security team already knew about the adventure outside the previous day with nothing as to what their findings, however preliminarily might be. Unless it was something the white coats thought would affect the security of the block, they would not share that information willingly with the grunts.
That is why Commander Reeves needed to ask Sergeant Reeves what, if anything, her white coat friend had let slip. Despite trying to push off Preston’s questions at breakfast, Amaya’s loyalty would always be to the squad first; a point she had made to Jace on several occasions. When the Commander asked, she made her report.
“The damage done to the buildings around us wasn’t a nuke, but we pretty much knew that already. There are fairly high levels of radiation in the few soil samples they picked up, the theory is one was detonated fairly close. They don’t have an estimate of the distance yet. I asked Jace to let me know if that changed. We’ll have better luck at determining what likely targets were than they will.”
The Commander nodded his approval from the front of the room and Amaya continued briefing the group from her seat near the middle of the room. “Mostly everyone is excited about the plants they found growing. There aren’t any botanists in the Block, so they are still working on definitive identification.”
“So it’s not chickweed?” Preston asked.
“That’s what I thought too when I saw it,” Amaya chuckled. “Apparently being able to identify local edibles was not in the Intro to Carbon Block training course. They want to confirm with genetic sequencing. Jace did caution against actually eating anything from outside due to the radiation levels in the soil. Any foraging will need to be done from a cleaner location.”
“Gods, do the white coats really think we are that stupid?” Pritchard asked.
Amaya’s face scrunched apologetically. “I did offer to eat the chickweed to prove my point as a joke.”
Preston gave her a sympathetic look, “Let me guess, you thought you were being sarcastic when you said it.”
“Yeah, obviously.” She over-emphasized the last word before shooting him a smile.
The Commander’s face was starting to harden so she switched her attention away from Preston to finish. “Once they have the genetic sequencing done, we’ll know more about what is growing and what kind of mutations there are. That’s all Jace knew.”
“Or all he was willing to tell me,” she added before nodding to Commander Reeves so that he could move on.
That moved the group on to the discussions about what the goals would be once the main door was cleared and opened. Of course, there were as many different opinions on that as there were bodies in the Block.
“The protocol on this is clear,” the Commander said interrupting the arguing that had bubbled up in the sec team. “The first goal is to reestablish communication with the other Blocks, even if that means we have to send teams out to physically visit. Everything works towards that goal.”
“If I may interject on that point for just a moment?” Amaya asked.
Commander Reeves looked questioningly at his daughter, “Go ahead, Sergeant.”
“I understand the protocol but for the sake of not starting a cold war in the Block, would it not be prudent to at least get some input from the other groups and see where their interests might align with ours?”
“What are you suggesting?”
She linked her tablet up with the main display and pulled up a map of the area. “We know one of our next goals is to check out the comms station at the observatory to the southeast. It’s less than 4 miles to Upper Lake Mary from there and we already know the scientists want to get out of downtown. I’m not saying we have to take a team of white coats with us, or that they are even interested in this location, but does it hurt us to ask them?”
Preston saw where she was going with her train of thought and jumped on board. “Even if we don’t end up actually including them in the protocol, asking them about it at least gives the impression we are willing to work as a team. That could keep some heads cool, and ultimately make our job here in the Block easier.”
Gibbs had a look of concern on his face while she was speaking, and finally made the reason known. “We can’t just give them the protocol, that is classified information.”
“I’m not suggesting that we do,” Amaya replied. “They don’t even have to know about its existence. I’m proposing we meet with them, find out what their goals are, and if we can align them to what we are already required to do, we do it.”
The Commander looked at her approvingly. “If you can get Ken Hollis to agree to your committee, then form it. Come up with your suggestions and run it by me.”
Amaya pointed at herself in disbelief, “Me?”
“It was your idea.”
Preston shrugged at her, “Good luck.”
“Good Afternoon Dr. Hollis, I’d like to speak with you if you have a moment,” Amaya asked as politely as she could standing in the doorway to Ken’s office.
He barely looked up from his computer to acknowledge her presence. “I don’t have time to go over our current experiments right now. You’ll need to talk to the department heads if you need that information as I’ve told Mr. Boyer many times.”
The doctor waved her away dismissively.
“It’s not about that, sir. If I may?” Amaya pointed to the chair in front of his desk, unshaken by his rudeness, and sat before he could give her a response.
He was at least looking at her now. Amaya wasted no time and went into her pitch. “With the block now being open, and the maintenance crews working on getting the main door unblocked and working, the security squad is beginning to plan our next course of action.”
“As you always do,” he interrupted. “You just start arbitrarily making plans for the well-being of all of us.”
Amaya let the interruption go unmentioned. “That is what I am here about sir. The decisions that need to be made right now affect all of us who live here. The security team can mitigate risks and provide safety. We can’t, or at least we shouldn’t, make decisions for what the entire block wants or needs to do. That’s why I’m here to propose we create a committee comprised of representatives from the security squad, the science department, and the maintenance crew, so we can mutually come to a decision about what our goals are outside of the block.”
He looked taken aback. “To what end?”
“I laid out the purpose clearly. What are you really asking me?”
He eyed her suspiciously, “Is this a genuine offer or is your team just looking for a way to find out what we are working on?”
“I’m going to be frank with you. I don’t really care about what your scientists are working on. But, if I did, I wouldn’t need some fake committee to figure it out.”
“Jace Anderson?” he asked.
“Of course, but he’s not the only route I’d have. I’ve gotten acquainted with a few of the folks down in the mouse lab over the years.”
His nostrils flared and he started to lodge a complaint but Amaya held him off with a hand. “It’s exactly because I have those acquaintances that I brought the idea of this committee to Commander Reeves.”
“This was your idea?”
She nodded, confirming that it was.
He snorted. “I always knew you were the good one out of that bunch. Are you to be on this committee?”
“I will.”
“Good then at least there will be someone there with at least a rudimentary understanding of basic science. I’ll have my decisions to your father by 08:00 tomorrow morning.”
Hollis waved her away again. Rather than let his last insult bait her into an argument she got up and left. Her mission had been to get him to agree after all, not get him to be nice.